


Triggers

by blackleatherjacketsolidarity



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Episode: s10e04 Home Again, F/M, Gen, Post-Episode: s10e02 Founder's Mutation, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-29
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2018-05-24 00:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6134890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackleatherjacketsolidarity/pseuds/blackleatherjacketsolidarity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Trashman's explanation of the origins of Band-Aid Nose Man, triggers emotions and feelings that Scully would have preferred to keep buried.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Triggers

“People treat people like trash”. That’s the first trigger. She doubts her legs’ ability to keep her upright much longer, so she takes a seat in the closest chair available. When he speaks of his creations: “… what I wanted him to look like, what I wanted him to be and why I wanted him” the second trigger is set off and her breathing becomes ragged – the flashbacks coming without warning and without her being able to stop them. The person that said “time heals all wounds” lied. Her one hand clutches the back of the chair like a lifeline – the other fingers the necklace that is exacerbating her internal conflict and confusion and the words tumble from her mouth before she has time to wonder where they came from or can stop them. 

“You are responsible. If you made the problem … if it was your idea then you are responsible. You put it out of sight so that it wouldn’t be your problem. But you’re just as bad as … the people that you hate”. Her breath catches on the last part. Her breathing remains ragged. Partly because of her anxiety and partly due to the fact that she just voiced a thought - a sense of guilt and shame - that she had been harbouring for years. Voiced it in front of a stranger and even worse HIM. 

They’ve been intimate for years. Shared a home and a bed and each others’ thoughts and dreams and fears. Everything, except the longing for their son. Until recently William was a topic that was rarely if ever mentioned, let alone discussed. A few weeks ago they finally broke the silence and for the first time in fifteen years a part of her soul was free. But one conversation does not mend fifteen years’ worth of hurt and silence. Does not undo fifteen years’ worth of guilt and anger and resentment. Guilt and anger and resentment aimed at him, but mostly aimed at herself. And this was the first time that she voiced her own self hatred. 

She knows that the current situation buys her some time, but only some. When the case is settled and they are alone he will insist on talking about this. Demand to know why she had kept this buried. Hidden from him. She did not catch him looking at her, but years together has left her attuned to him in a manner she would never have believed possible and she knows that he had shot at least one concerned look in her direction. For now she will have to focus on wrapping this case, but when its all done she will have the duration of the drive back to DC to figure out how to answer his questions and find the words to help heal the gaping wound that William left in their hearts. And find a way to finally forgive herself.


End file.
